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[02 May 2004|09:14pm] |
The time has come for a change.
My new LJ is nicotinestains_
Add me please.
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[30 Apr 2004|11:50pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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Why won't anyone tell me what's wrong with me? Obviously there's something that every last one of you isn't sharing.
You tell me to just talk about it if I have a problem with someone, but maybe you should follow your own advice and talk to me since you clearly have a problem with me.
I'm sorry that I can't be who you all want me to be. But at least tell me what I'm doing wrong so that maybe I can fix it. Please.
I'm sorry if I'm not smart enough, if I'm not pretty enough, if I talk too much, if I'm too self-absorbed, or whatever else it is that is wrong with me. I'm sorry. That's all I can say.
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[30 Apr 2004|02:29pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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Everything is strange. I feel so disconnected with everything and everyone. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit at home by myself and sleep.
I slept a grand total of 18 out of 24 hours yesterday.
Go ahead everyone, keep making fun of me, keep being angry and annoyed with me, keep wishing I'll just disappear...You all got your wish. I'll go on hiatus from everyone for a while. Good riddance.
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| Peer Pressure |
[27 Apr 2004|10:27pm] |
I may be a little late, but I'm going to jump on the bandwagon too.
1. who are you?
2. are we friends?
3. when and how did we meet?
4. how have i affected you?
5. what do you think of me?
6. what's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. how long do you think we will be friends?
8. do you love me?
9. do you have a crush on me?
10. would you kiss me?
11. would you hug me?
12. physically, what stands out?
13. emotionally, what stands out?
14. do you wish i was cooler?
15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?
16. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. am i loveable?
18. how long have you known me?
19. describe me in one word.
20. what was your first impression?
21. do you still think that way about me now?
22. what do you think my weakness is?
23. do you think i'll get married?
24. if so, who?
25. what makes me happy?
26. what makes me sad?
27. what reminds you of me?
28. if you could give me anything what would it be?
29. how well do you know me?
30. when's the last time you saw me?
31. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
32. do you think i could kill someone?
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| I'm home!!!! |
[26 Apr 2004|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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 tired/ecstatic to be home |
] |
It feels so good to finally be home.
The Philippines was an interesting place to visit, and I learned a lot, but I'm not so sure if i would go back there again.
One of the things that really bothered me was the lack of diversity. It felt pretty much like I was the only white person on the entire island. That really wouldn't have bothered me so much if everyone hadn't helped point it out repeatedly. Everywhere I went I was stared at and given dirty looks. People called me Britney and Barbie, and some man even told a younger girl at a store I was at "It's scary when you see a white person for the first time...You don't know what to do". Allison told me that most of those people had never seen a white person before, but still...ignorance is no excuse. I was sitting at a computer at the internet cafe once and it was right in front of a window. Someone walked by and took a picture of me. Why? I have no idea.
I now know the real meaning of the term "3rd world country." I knew before that that meant it was a very poor country, but I never understood the extent of it. Families sleep on sidewalks and in parks. Villages are built out of cardboard under overpasses in the cities. Families live in tiny, run down, trashed shacks that are hardly big enough for one person. Everywhere you go, people follow you and ask for money. They knock on the windows of your car, hold their hands out to you, beg you, stare at you with sad looks, and do anything they can to try to get you to give them money. It honestly broke my heart to see so much poverty in such a small place.
I've decided to begin volunteering at an animal shelter, now that I've come home. Everywhere you look on the streets in the Philippines are stray/starving animals. You can count every bone in their tiny, emaciated bodies.
Even though the Philippines has so many problems economically and whatnot, it really surprised me just how content they are. They really enjoy just sitting outside in the sun and talking to their neighbors, or playing with their children. They seem so humble yet so happy. It doesn't seem to matter to most of them that they live in a tiny shack...it just matters that they have friends and family. I really admired that.
Like I said, I'm not sure if i would want to go back there again, but at least I was able to go and find that out first-hand.
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[22 Apr 2004|03:21pm] |
i am in baguio still. i think we leave for manila on sunday and we leave on monday. and i get home on monday, too.
i have a new favorite cocktail. a multiple orgasm. i had 3 the other night. yummy stuff. it was kind of weird ordering it though "can i have a multiple orgasm, please?" thats exactly what i said too.
night life here is fun. we went out to the bars for 3 nights in a row just chain-smoking, drinking, playing pool, and listening to "bands" do r&b covers. we didnt go last night though. i hope we can go tonight again. woot.
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[19 Apr 2004|05:27am] |
bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
only one more week and i will be home.
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[16 Apr 2004|09:21am] |
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I swear, if I hear a poppy/upbeat/i-love-you/everyone-should-be-happy/dont-leave-me-because-i'll-be-sad song with "ooh"ing in the background, or Ricky Martin one more time, I'm going to pull a Vincent Van Gogh and cut my ears off and send them to 103.1 my "only radio for life" in the mail and see how happy and upbeat they are about that!
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[14 Apr 2004|12:15pm] |
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mood |
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 full |
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music |
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shoe mart music |
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so today i went to starbucks and i ordered a slice of cheesecake.
it was made of actual cheese.
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| baboy |
[10 Apr 2004|12:02pm] |
hey guess what, guys. im at an internet cafe in the philippines right now. we are in a city called baguio and we're at the mall. i just got silver shoes, theyre cool.
so...the philippines is an interesting place. we got here yesterday at about 11 olock in the morning, and we drove until 11 oclock at night. the drivers here are crazy. i would be way to scared to drive here. theres lanes in the roads, but not in the traditional sense. like, some places theres actual lines painted on the roads, but no one follows the lines. everyone drives wherever they want. and people walk in the roads and some people stand in the middle of the road trying to sell stuff. its really quite scary. i dont know how many times i almost got run over today. but yes... the roads are interesting.
people keep staring at me. i just dont get it. al said its probably because i have a pink bow in my hair. i think it must be because i have curly hair and everyone else has straight hair. there was this girl in the food court here that was staring and staring and staring and no matter which way she was walking, she would turn around and stare at me more. i figured she was just jealous of my pizza.
boyd: i know what you were talking about with the sewers now...god i just love the smell of sewer in the morning.
al tried to push me off of a balcony today that was right above a barbed wire fence and a dropoff that goes down for miles. i dont think she wants me here.
and i have something to complain about... toilet paper! there is no toilet paper in this entire country, i swear. you have to go buy tissues at the store and carry them with you so that you will have something resembling toilet paper. its horrible, it really is.
well guys, i'll try to find anothe internet cafe as soon as i can. im online now, but everyones asleep at home, so it really does me no good.
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[07 Apr 2004|03:52pm] |
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Yo gangstas...I am out of here. I shall see all of you homies in 20 days. email me concertina_wire@hotmail.com. i dont know how often i can check email there, but i know there are internet cafes. Farewell my loves, and have a wonderful spring break.
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[07 Apr 2004|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 furious at myself |
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I'm a terrible person. I over-react way too much over petty/stupid things that don't mean anything. And I hurt people and myself in the process. I'm sorry I'm such a drama queen and I'm sorry for being so harsh. I just let my emotions get the best of me. Please forgive me. I'm a selfish person who likes to place blame on other people and myself at the same time. That makes no sense to you, but it does to me. Im sorry.
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[05 Apr 2004|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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modest mouse - doin the cockroach |
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My neighbor brought me back an authentic Louis Vuitton Purse and matching wallet from her trip to Beijing :D
My life is now complete.
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| go away you damned canker sore! |
[05 Apr 2004|03:13pm] |
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music |
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rolling stones - beast of burden |
] |
Who's up to playing a rousing game of scrabble with me??
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| water shoes |
[04 Apr 2004|12:07pm] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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music |
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Thelonious Monk - I'm Getting Sentimental Over You |
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ATTENTION EVERYONE: I NEED ADRESSES.
If you would like me to send you a postcard from the Philippines, then kindly leave your address. If you are uncomfortable writing it on livejournal, just IM me. Thank you my lovely dears.
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[02 Apr 2004|04:28pm] |
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Why do I do this to myself?
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[31 Mar 2004|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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 eeeeeee! |
] |
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music |
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duke ellington - ain't misbehavin' |
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ITS A GIRL!!!
Come next september, I'm going to have a god-daughter!!!
and and and...
i got 3 shots yesterday so im not going to get hepatitis A, tetanus/diptheria, or polio! woot!
ONE WEEK FROM TODAY I WILL LEAVE FOR THE PHILIPPINES!
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[29 Mar 2004|09:32pm] |
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mood |
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red |
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music |
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air - cemetary party |
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my first sunburn of the year! eeeee. that makes me happy.
8 more days until i can burn all the live-long day!
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[29 Mar 2004|02:47pm] |
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Today I am going to the beach and I am going to forget everything for a few hours. Then I will begin a fresh new start.
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